Missing .... you

Amma has gone back to work after her 2 week semi-vacation/doctor checkups with us -- it was not a whole two weeks of vacation cos she was working from home and to add to that she had a tooth extraction and a root canal done so 50% of the time was spent doing those things --- the remaining time was spent doing nice things like celebrating deepavali , the trip to Sarnia to get her new TN-1 stamped, my cousins "golden water" (manjal neera thingies) and so on .... But she is Gone now and i miss her terribly... i would like to sit in the middle of my living room and cry my heart out but i  guess i am too old for those tantrums .... usually i cry in the airport aana this time i decided not too cos i have to show her that i am growing up and that i can handle these "adult" situations so i pulled it off pretty well --- i held it all in and Thank the SAMI for adorable appas like mine that do the sillest of things to see a smile on their lil girls faces !!! :)

SO this whole thing got me to thinking about my life in general .... yeah i know...

I think its just my luck that at any point of time -- one of the most important people in my life are always away from me .... until i was 19 appa would spend  9 months in the ocean and 3 months on shore with us .... after that he spent the weekend here and the week away from us -- a 2 hour drive away .... and then at the beginning of this year it was AWESOME that he finally got a job in toronto and was moving back home and finally all three of us would be under one roof on a daily basis BUT alas that was not to be .... the day appa came home ... amma got a job offer in Florida and once again there I was missing another parent ..... but it was nice to have appa home. Our relationship was taking on a new direction ... we were finally spending each and every day together ... That too without amma which was new for both of us .... but i am glad that we managed ok .... but  i hate that now amma isnt here with us .... but this is not just with amma and appa....

this is true for my other relationships too .... my first 'romantic' relationship .... when it did become romantic -- 'A' was living in Dehradun --- and i would get to see him maybe every three or four months --- and the first time i broke up with him the distance is what i blamed it on(had to blame it on something , as a 16 year old , i didn't know how to say 'i really dont love u or even like u for that matter" ---eventhough 'A' later told me that we could have made it work ---  but as history has proved -- that relationship was never meant to be distance or no distance .... . i guess i have hope and feel that i have grownup --- i mean i didn't cry in the airport today !!!! I actually think about my future in terms of future based things and I have already decided that  no matter what , and I mean no matter what --- that I will never do this long distance thing ever again!!!!