Day in and day out i have been constantly reinforced about the way a GIRL should dress ... and please this has nothing to do with looking pretty but more to do with what is appropriate for a girl to wear ... this was quite a big deal when i was back in madras , especially with every guy ogling at anything that remotely looked like a girl ... i left madras when i was 16 , and the biggest freedom i have acquired while living in north america has been the freedom to wear whatever the heck i want ... i could half naked on the road and not a single head would turn my way ... and this has nothing to do with how pretty or ugly i looked it was just not a big deal ... i have been on overflowing buses, falling over people and others falling over me, but not once have i ever been touched in appropriately ...
Cut back to september last year ... i was back in madras for my sisters wedding and i was wearing a salwar and i didnt wear my dupatta --- not for any reason but for the fact that i couldnt find one that matched with my white salwar... and on top of this i went out to watch a movie ... i was politely yelled at and told that i had no brain ... why because some guy was staring at me ... why is this my fault ... i know from experience that i could be covered from head to toe and wearing the most no -sexual clothes ( a super lose fitting pair of jeans and t-shirt ) their eyes go right to my b***s its like i have no face... and to make things worse why is it my fault especially if the other person does not have the deceny to look at my eyes or respect my personal space or even my freedom to be me?
How is it ok for a guy to get away with raping someone because the girl wasnt dressed properly ? i am mean who the hell do these people think they are ..
Katradhu Tamil or Tamil MA is one of my fav. movies , BUT even there - why is it ok for the GUY to touch the girls chest , when in fact the girl is as much trapped as him?she is expressing the frustration of her being, and then again its her fault for wearing it? who isnt frustrated ??? does that mean we all start taking it out one another? i mean... why is it justified is my question , thats all --
I am not saying i should walk naked on the road ... no i am not saying that, i am asking why is it MY fault for your Horrendous Behavior ?
are you so low and disgusting that you cannot keep your hands to your self or look up into my eye ?
and what of a girl who decides to manhandle a guy ? what is the name for her? is it the guys fault ? No then the girl is a slut or something else right ...
This is not a really a issue for me cos i live in North America -- but what pisses me off is comments such as ... oh well its like your asking for it because i am wearing a wide neck shirt? really am I ?
Of course theres a set standard for dressing decently for me, which i follow -- But does that stop you from behaving indecently ... NO !!!
I write this in anger , BUT i have experienced the fear of being looked at the wrong way , getting on a crowded bus with a million people (in madras|) and being afraid that someones hand is going to touch me in the most inappropriate of ways ...when i have taken all the precautions to dress àppropriately ... what gives you the right to be worse then a amoeba on the bathroom floor !!! So more than anger i have fear , i have fear for my "sex" (females) that lives in trap this day in and day out
Why is it easier, convienent and acceptable to blame the victim rather than the victimizer ?????
If i promise to cover myself head to toe -- will u promise to leave me alone????
The problem is layered ...
PS: I am in brazil and i am happy to report back that although i am in a situation similar to india -- atleast i have the freedom to dress the same as i would back home in toronto !!!
Cut back to september last year ... i was back in madras for my sisters wedding and i was wearing a salwar and i didnt wear my dupatta --- not for any reason but for the fact that i couldnt find one that matched with my white salwar... and on top of this i went out to watch a movie ... i was politely yelled at and told that i had no brain ... why because some guy was staring at me ... why is this my fault ... i know from experience that i could be covered from head to toe and wearing the most no -sexual clothes ( a super lose fitting pair of jeans and t-shirt ) their eyes go right to my b***s its like i have no face... and to make things worse why is it my fault especially if the other person does not have the deceny to look at my eyes or respect my personal space or even my freedom to be me?
How is it ok for a guy to get away with raping someone because the girl wasnt dressed properly ? i am mean who the hell do these people think they are ..
Katradhu Tamil or Tamil MA is one of my fav. movies , BUT even there - why is it ok for the GUY to touch the girls chest , when in fact the girl is as much trapped as him?she is expressing the frustration of her being, and then again its her fault for wearing it? who isnt frustrated ??? does that mean we all start taking it out one another? i mean... why is it justified is my question , thats all --
I am not saying i should walk naked on the road ... no i am not saying that, i am asking why is it MY fault for your Horrendous Behavior ?
are you so low and disgusting that you cannot keep your hands to your self or look up into my eye ?
and what of a girl who decides to manhandle a guy ? what is the name for her? is it the guys fault ? No then the girl is a slut or something else right ...
This is not a really a issue for me cos i live in North America -- but what pisses me off is comments such as ... oh well its like your asking for it because i am wearing a wide neck shirt? really am I ?
Of course theres a set standard for dressing decently for me, which i follow -- But does that stop you from behaving indecently ... NO !!!
I write this in anger , BUT i have experienced the fear of being looked at the wrong way , getting on a crowded bus with a million people (in madras|) and being afraid that someones hand is going to touch me in the most inappropriate of ways ...when i have taken all the precautions to dress àppropriately ... what gives you the right to be worse then a amoeba on the bathroom floor !!! So more than anger i have fear , i have fear for my "sex" (females) that lives in trap this day in and day out
Why is it easier, convienent and acceptable to blame the victim rather than the victimizer ?????
If i promise to cover myself head to toe -- will u promise to leave me alone????
The problem is layered ...
PS: I am in brazil and i am happy to report back that although i am in a situation similar to india -- atleast i have the freedom to dress the same as i would back home in toronto !!!
6 comments:
Different countries having different culture. Within next 5 yrs, may be everything ll get changed.
Yeah well ... I am not so sure if its only culture.
I think we are going to have a fight here.Indian society is not a civilized society, almost 50-70% of people behave like as if they are distant cousins of neanderthals.US is a developed nation, its not a good sense to expect people to behave the same.But, in my company 4 out of 10 gals do not put dhuppattas on working days, even they may encounter few(I believe almost all)stares from men, it is not creating a problem there.But in a country where there is a high illiteracy rate,polluted media, every duet song aimed at helping the viewers to achieve a orgasm,adulterated politics they have not even spared the spirituality too, we should be careful of what we wearing and i am not saying that you should be giving your freedom to choose but you must acknowledge that you are living in a very sensitive and danger society, things will surely change and we should bring the change but until then its better to wait and i think nothing wrong in that and its sensible too.But i must say one thing and this is a universal thing and do not get mad at me for saying this all men will be like that, if they get a chance they will do it, believe me in that,but i accept you should draw a boundary and that is where most of the problem starts.
@Travis -
No i dont think i am going to fight with you !!!
U get my point though right ... thats all i was saying ... i mean yeah i am just saddened by the situation and the inability to do anything. I am angry and frustrated and thats all oi wanted to say ...but i think u got the point :)
I think these kind of attitudes come down to both culture and individuals, but it's easy for either one of them to hide behind the other. Depending on what culture you are born into or brought up in does have a huge impact on your thoughts and views. However, the access to knowledge and thoughts and ideas outside of your immediate culture and surroundings is increasing all the time, and play a large part of who we are as individuals too. I think there are many individuals who can happily hide behind a culture to justify their own actions, whether as an individual they know/think that it's right or wrong. Individuals change and cultures change, but inevitably, history proves it's the individual(s) that changes culture's, either as individuals or a collective of indivduals.
I'm not suggesting that any culture is wrong in it's beliefs/actions, whether I agree with it or not, and I don't wish to place blame on any one thing/situation, but I do believe that we have ownership and a responsibility to be an individual, and not hide behind a collective, in whatever form that may take.
@ Warren -
Yes i agree with you ... at a certain level !!!
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