the way thoughts flow ............

SO i was born in a small tiny little hospital in CUDDALORE -- i am going to assume all you peeps out there know where that is .... i didn't have much choice i suppose -- my maternal grandparents had bid adieu to the world by then ... thereby making amma's THALA persavam (first birthing event  -- horrible translation) happen not in "her" neck of the woods but in my dad's ... so for the sake of my betterment ( i.e. education) amma and me (sans APPA the sailor) moved to the then Madras when i was 6 months -- i don't clearly remember the details but i am positive i cryed my heart out when we moved..... from there moving to New Jersey was another sad story -- i cried like crazy once again --- i was leaving behind 17 years of memories / friendships and Lowes behind --- moving from NJ to Toronto -- cried half way until i reached the customs agent -- again separation pangs -- i missed the little ones and ofcourse all my bros from the hood --- i have been in toronto for the last 6 years and in this time have flown back to india 2 times and yeah the flood gates open as soon as i step into the AIRPORT to fly back to toronto --- the first time i had company -- AAYA (patti/grandma) was supporting... and yeah that was expected ... but last year when i was leavin' -- i cried a bit when we left from cuddalore -- when u have 15 people standing at the gate waving at you -- a sick grandma and a sicker athai --- the fear of not seeing them again kills a part of you --- fingers crossed --- i will definitely see them atleast aaya another time -- athai has a long way to go --- so without digressing --- i stopped crying as soon as we reached the end of the street ---which isnt bad considering i have the capacity to empty out my tear ducts all the way to the Chennai airport ( with traffic etc --- makes to about 4 hours ).... anyways I spent the night at NK uncle's house cos the flight was at a weird time and the car was needed to another trip anyways ---- i was starting to choke up when i said bye to The Aunty and NK -- i had spent the better part of the six months with them --- and they are officially my second set of parents --- also since their ONLY son is also away i am their maji /Uppuku chappa daughter it was hard on them too --- but i told myself i was TOO old to cry so -- instead they got tight hugs and kisses...from a dutiful daughter....

so i had made it through  my goodbyes without sheding a tear--- i was confident this time i would board to plane and fly home without much of a raucous unlike last time when i thembi thembi cried the whole hour and a half flight from chennai to colombo !!! It was just Chitappa  , me and Ilaya anna -- so i was in a safe spot --- i was all smiles -- gave my 2 cent advice to ilaya anna to find a job and support the family cos he was getting old etc... etc.... so i was all set bags were checked in and everything i came back out to give chitappa a hug and Thats when it started -- the tears at the corner of the eyes , the shivering lips , the silence between two long lost souls that are forever tangled together --- and then tears started to roll down --- and there i was standing next to this soul -- for whom i would lay my life down for or go any distance to do anything ---- hold my hand and cry --- what was I to do --- one the most precious people in the whole world , who i look up to , who i fight tooth and nail with and tell every little thing about myself was standing 2 inches away from me crying ---- and what did i do as usual i was getting ready to join with the bandwagon and start the free flow of tears --- but NO --- i held his hand tighter , sat him down and hugged him closer -- the same chitappa that held me close every summer when i would leave him and return home , the same man who is the head of the reporters association of cuddalore district, the father, the brother , the SON that has taken on the responsibility reluctantly but has stood by us all --- crying on my lap ..... and me consoling him ----- what was I to say or do --- "dont worry , things will get better " -- "aaya innum romba nal Nallla irrupanga" " athai kku Kannu theriyum" " ava theripi vittukku vanthuduva" " Thambiyum nengallum onna irrukallam" " nalla vellai kedaikkum" --- but not a word --- just the silence between the two -- i held him as long as i could hoping to take away every bit of sorrow from his soul to mine --- to tell him to just let it all go --- but no words is needed for these two souls that have spent the better part of their lives apart but are forever daughter and father, mother and son , best friends, rivals and yet so much more ...... to the world our bond shall forever remain a mystery --- hand in hand from when i was barely a few days old when u were barely a young man --- i long for those days again when the weight of this world did not weigh you nor me down ......